Proposal

So Last night tim asked me to marry him. It was so cute and so special. He was taking me home after a long night. I had said something really stupid and that made him mad. He told me he was going to take me home i said ok lets go. We went out to the car and he asked for my ring that his mom had given him to give to me. Well I was kinda worried because i thought that he was going to break up with me. Well on our way home we got to talking and i asked if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes i asked if we were still together and he said maybe depending on the answer you give me when we get to your house. I was really confused now. I had no idea of what he was going to ask me. Well we get to my house and we get out of the car. He looks at me and tell mes that he wants to be with me. He also asks me why i want to marry him. I told him that I can't picture my life without him anymore. I don't want to spend another night without him in my bed. Which to tell you he is very easy to lay with. He then asked me when I wanted to. I said we can get married tommorow or the next day or the next day. I truly just want to be with you. He goes will you marry me. When he asked me that question I almost started bawling I never thought I would hear those words come out of anyones mouth. I never knew that I would find someone who loves me and wants to be with me for all of our lives. I found my soulmate. Of course I said yes!!! I couldn't have been more happier. I still am i can't get my permagrin off my face.

New Beginnings

So I guess I better start telling you what has been going on in my life the last couple months. Well I met this wonderful man named tim and he is absoulutely wonderful to me. He has truly made me happy. He makes me feel like the woman that I was before. I truly feel as though he is my soul mate. He can make my heart feel like their is butterflys every single day. He makes me feel whole again. I don't know how he does it but he makes me feel loved and safe. I truly feel secure with him. I couldn't be more grateful that he came in to my life. He truly has been the full meaning of a soul mate. He can make me warm whenever he comes around. I know that with him all things are possible. I actually see that I can be me and someone will love me for the person i am. It also has shown me that I can find a man who loves me and wants me to be happy. I couldn't ask for a better man. The other day we were talking and we were talking about a friend of mine who is having trouble with a guy she likes and how he is just being a butt. Well I told tim that I couldn't deal with it anymore and to shoot me(not really) But he said that he could but then he would have to live his life without me. That is the sweetest thing i have ever heard. He truly makes my world go around. I have never loved someone so much till I met him. I have never had a guy that can look me in the eye and that will be there through everything. I know its only been two months but he is my everything my world. I cant believe that in a few short days or months we will be married and living our lifes together. I couldn't ask for a better person to love and to share my life with.

So In Love lyrics

So many times I’ve fallen
So many ways I’ve failed you
So many times I’ve stepped out on my own

I know I’m undeserving
But I feel You are preserving
The only good that I have shown

The only word that I can bring
Are these very words I sing
To sing to You now

[CHORUS]
Cause I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You

Nothing can separate me
From the grace that You gave free
I know You’ll never let me go
Even though You know my frailties
Every single thing about me
You show the greatest love that’s known

The only word that I can bring
Are these very words I sing
I sing to You now

[Chorus]
I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You

[Chorus]
I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You now

[BRIDGE]
Time and time again You show
The depth and love that You bestow
I never fully understand
It’s too great for me to know
But I always try to bring
I try to bring You everything

[Chorus]
I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for you now

[Chorus]
I am so in love with You
There’s nothing else I choose
You’ve stolen my heart
Yes, I’m all for You now

UPDATE

So I have been kinda slacking on this whole blog thing. I have been busy working at qwest and just haven't felt like blogging. But tonight has been a very interesting. A certain person came back into my life and i have no idea what to do. I mean he means so much to me but yet I don't trust myself with him. I am not certain of what to do. This is goingto be a short post I got to go but I will explain more.

Ranting and Raving

K So I officially have been questioning everything and anything lately. I am to the point where everything either doesn't make sense or that someone has come and made me completely clueless to what I believed or knew in my heart was right. I have never ever thought that i could be so confused then I am right now. I have had many discussions with people and no one can tell me why things are this way. I really wish people would help me understand. But when you can't explain something to them i guess its hard to have them completely understand what you are talking about. I am rambling today but yesterday got me thinking as to why I am here and what is my purpose. I know that God has a plan for me but I don't know what it is or what road he wants me to take. I am completely in awe of everyone around me that knows where they are going and what they are supposed to do. They have all been inspirations to me. I know that I can look at my family and see what they are supposed to do and what road they are on. But that leaves me to question where I am supposed to go.

Well I better tell you where this is all coming from because alot of people always wonder why I just ramble and ramble on and on. I got a letter on my door step a week ago from the bishop of my old ward that I was in before I got baptized in the Baptist Church stating that he wanted to have a meeting with me. He wanted to talk about the assurance of faith and among other things what past sins i had commited. When I got this letter i was a little confused because I haven't heard anything from the LDS church nor my ward in a long time. So I questioned why he wanted to talk to me. After speaking with a friend of mine. I came to find out that he had talked to his bishop about me and that his bishop had spoken to mine and said to the exact words of you may want to chat with her. I was a little upset at this because my friend has known that I didn't want to discuss my faith with the bishop. I don't think I should have to explain nor defend myself against something I don't believe.

Well I ended up meeting with the bishop anyway because I am curious to learn about the LDS religion but I never stated I wanted to go back. I went in on tuesday to see what was such a big deal to talk to him about it. We ended up discussing my life and what things have made me the way I am today. After all was done and finished he asked me to read a piece that a elder have given in conference. I Said i would read it. He asked me if we could meet again. I of course agreed knowing that i may learn something. He stated that I might be excommunicated which in all reality i knew was coming which isn't a big thing due to the fact I am not LDS. The bishop stated that he would think about and ponder it and let me know the next time we talked. I went out of that meeting not quite comfortable with what had happened.

But I guess the end result is I still believe in what I believe and I know who I am and that I am saved and that i need to start going back to church. But I am not sure if the LDS church is the right church for me.

Update

So I am doing my second post in one day. I am amazed at myself that I have actually blogged this much. I didn't think I would keep up on it. I tend to let things go and not pay attention. Anyway I am updating on how everything is going on in my life. Let me tell you it has been a very dramatic month. I don't know if that is a understatement or what but its true. I have had a couple friends from high school come back into my life. Its kinda weird because you see who your true friends after high school gets out and I never thought that these two would be part of it. Well these two friends of mine have had some hard times in the last year. My guy friend has a little girl who is 1o months today and she is the cutest thing i have ever seen. She can make your heart melt just by her smile. My guy friend is raising his daughter on his own with family help. His Sister is one of my friends from high school. She is also helping in raising his daughter. Know you are probably wondering where the mom is. She decided to leave when her daughter was only six months. She chose drugs over her daughter and him. Which i think was smart because there daughter doesn't need to be around that. I also think it was stupid because no mother should ever walked out on their child. Well needless to say I have been helping and being a support system for him. I have also gained a better appreciation for him and his sister. They truly are amazing people and I wouldn't trade them for the world! Well the mom and a couple of her friends that i know decided they didn't like that I was talking to my guy friend. So they decided to take things into their own hands. Well its been hard to deal with them but I am willing to put up with it because I don't want to lose my friendship with him or his sister. So basically drama is creeping its way into my life but it won't get me down. I have also been struggling with my walk with God. I am praying alot and trying to understand what he wants me to do. So hopefully I will have better news next post! LOL 

QUOTE

Thinking of you now makes me sad because I don't understand you. I can show you there are better people out there and that someone cares for you but you push me away when things get tough. I want to be there for you, I want to be someone you can count on. But I cant put myself in that position again to get hurt. I have done it time and time again yet it never comes out the way I hoped. I thought that I could do this without  a tear  coming down my cheek I cant because you mean so much yet i don't know why. I see through all the hurt because I have been there before but the wall you have may be to hard to climb or to crumble. I don't know which one is worse to care for someone who doesn't know how to handle it or to care for someone who doesn't want you around. I am confused yet understanding of what is going on. It doesn't make sense because I shouldn't be both. i have a heart that is guarded yet has room to grow.